I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
