you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
This toilet bowl is my home.
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