very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
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Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
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Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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