I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
