I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
