OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
