1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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