he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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