at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
