I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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