This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
