R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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