Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
