its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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