She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
