I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
