God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
