I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
