kristin has been a bad kristin
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
