you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
