Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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