lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
