she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
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I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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