It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
