Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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