Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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