The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
