I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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