Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize