im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
