she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
