He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
