i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
