we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
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We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
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Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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