I showed him my bush... on skype.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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