and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
