hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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