she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
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Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
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You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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