So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
