I wish they made helmets for livers.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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