My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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