If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize