I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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