made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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