How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
