One girl and one boy is just not enough.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
