If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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