Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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