Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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