a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
