i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Randomize
