Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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