i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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