yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
