I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
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Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
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I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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