it wasn't lemon gatorade
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
there is glitter all over my balls
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
