i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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