I just threw up on my dentist
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
